So, it’s pretty random to talk about prom now but I feel obligated to share this simple fact: Prom is not anything like you expect it to be. Now, this can be good or bad or just more on the side of alright. This whole post idea was sparked by my rediscovering of the folder of prom photos on my laptop.
Don’t get me wrong—prom was fun and I had a lovely time. I’d like to discuss the reality of prom. To begin, let me share this beautiful photograph of me pinning the boutonniere (it took me six tries to spell that, dang) on my prom date (also boyfriend).
Isn’t that just beautiful and romantic and perfect? Nope.
Here’s what actually happened:
I tried to pin it on him—I couldn’t. He was afraid of being jabbed with the pin (very reasonable, I can’t say I blame him). Then, my father tried to pin it on him.
He could not. Then, his mother finally managed to pin the damn flower with pearls on his tux.
All the while being photographed and laughing about the whole situation. Yeah—it was not what I expected but photographs are deceiving and it was memorable and fun nonetheless.
It rained the day of prom—I bitched about it on every social media outlet possible and so did every other senior girl in my school. Luckily, it stopped raining long enough for us to take some photographs, but unfortunately my hair was an uncurled frizzball by the end of the night.
The limousine was pretty freaking cool but climbing in and out of it was like an episode of that show Wipeout, I thought I was going to fall and embarrass myself. Our entrance was being filmed, by the way, it would’ve been on film for the Prom DVD that every senior received. Awesome. Our limo driver was awful though; I’m pretty sure he wasn’t all there. He was a cool dude but he drove on the curb a lot of times and he also accidentally backed into a car and kept driving.
Another prom reality that I knew I was destined to face: Those heels freaking HURT. Unfortunately, I have no high quality pictures of my entirely sparkling, rhinestone-covered, 6-inch (or maybe higher) heels that were fit for a stripper but I loved those shoes, I did. I knew what I was getting myself into when I wore them but I did not anticipate ditching them before the night was even half way over.
I also didn’t consider that my dress would now drag on the floor and it would be nearly impossible to dance with this impediment. Luckily, boyfriend was a great sport and let me basically just barely move and lean on him because I refused to put my shoes back on.
Did I mention I also had a strapless dress? I learned nothing from my Sweet 16; I had a strapless dress then, too. Here’s that dress in all of it’s flouncy, sparkly, pink glory. Amazingly enough this is the only picture I have of my entire dress where I don’t look incredibly terrible. (The dress was high-low, in case you were wondering.)
I spent the entire night of Sweet 16 pulling up my dress.I don’t even like pink but I loved that freaking dress. It had a Sharpay Evans from High School Musical vibe that I couldn’t pass up.
Let me do a math problem for you: big chest + strapless dress = NO. I broke the promise I made myself when prom dress shopping but the dress was so PRETTY. I spent the entire night pulling up my dress and nearly flashing anyone within a two foot radius. Never again. This time, I mean it.
Anyways, on top of that, the music sucked. I mean, the music was literally the same weird electronic garbage beat played on loop. They played a few good tunes, but oh, the music was awful. Also, the “first dance” slow dance song was “I Prayed For You” and it was spent slowly dancing while also cracking up.
Also, the whole prom king and queen thing was not like on TV. No one ever gave less of a s*** about those titles in the history of America, I swear. We “nominated” people like four months in advance-no one campaigned, no one even remembered who they voted for and then it was announced in the middle of prom.
No one even voted. No one knew what the hell was going on—I didn’t even recognize the names of the winners. It became a joke. The HUGE deal that is prom king and queen on TV and in every high school movie ever was a joke. Amazing.
Also, advice: don’t decided to “try something new” on the menu because it’s prom. I don’t even like fish and I’d never had salmon but I was like, “Screw the safe and delicious steak and chicken! I’ll order pretzel-encrusted salmon.” It tasted like what I imagine cat food to taste like. Mistake. I was starving most of the night and did not rejoice until the beautiful cheesecake dessert. Mmmm…
Oh, also? You won’t be able to hold a decent conversation because the music is so loud. Also, bring bobby pins and safety pins—you don’t think you’ll need them but OH you will. Trust me. Everyone’s hair was falling out of intricate updos and dresses were shifting and the women’s restroom at prom was like the backstage of a fashion show. Insane.
Oh, and take advantage of the “open bar”. Order some freaking Shirley Temples because they are delicious and when else can you order six Shirley Temples for free? Nowhere.
Fun fact: this is my close friend that ordered a prom dress online and it didn’t work out well–she had to buy a new dress the day before prom. Yikes.
All in all, prom was pretty fun but it was not at all what I expected. My feet basically bled, my hair was a frizzy mess by the end of the night, the music sucked, prom king and queen declarations were uneventful and my dress was a pain in the you-know-what. But, you know what? It was prom and I have dozens of adorable selfies and photos of it.
My biggest advice for prom? Aside from the usual “Bring bobby pins and safety pins yadda yadda…” Go with people you like. Trust me—don’t go with some random guy just to have a date and don’t go with people you don’t even know.
The people make the experience. The girls that I knew that went with guys they didn’t like much didn’t have as great as a time—they felt like they had to entertain their date. It was like an obligation and for what? A few photos? Go with your close friends! Go with someone you love!
My boyfriend made the prom a million times more fun. Take someone you love, whether it’s a friend or something more! Who else will let you nap on their shoulder on the ride home? Who else will wear cool socks with their tuxedo? Who else will take a million selfies with you? Who else will listen to you bitch about your dress and shoes? People who love you, that’s who.